Grandparents

 

A mom bears all the pain of pregnancy. Many of them even choose to go through the pain more than once. A dad tends to forget his me-time, all the privileges he had been given by his mom for his children. He works at the office, then spend rest of the day in taking care of the baby. Parents had thought of all these before making the decision of bringing their baby to this world. They knew, they have to go through several physical as well as mental stress. They knew, they have to work harder once they become parents. They knew, they have to forget about their relaxing time to take care of their kids. They knew, they have to sacrifice their comfort, their sleep and many things for their children. They knew, they might never get to travel again or watch movies like before. They also knew, they have to make and save more money. Yet they were ready to take the big step.

Babies don’t understand anything. They might play with your meeting presentations. They might play with your currency notes. They might mess your kitchen. They might as well spill water on the floor. They might reveal your dark secrets in public. They might slap you in your face. They might bite you on your body. They might show many tantrums. They might not be so easy to handle. They might test your patience to the highest level. They might be the naughtiest kid ever. Parents never complain about anything. They love their children the most and they could tolerate anything in the world for their children. For them, nothing is more important than their children.

Teenagers are moody most of the time. They want the best thing in the world. Sometimes, they would only listen to their friends. They have many secrets; parents won’t know about. They are very conscious about how they present themselves. Now, at this phase of life, it’s a tough time for the parents. Parents need to be very careful about how they treat their teenager kids. They have to understand their kids, being nice and polite yet protect them from getting into any trouble. Parents try to change their own lifestyles and mentality according to their kids’. We could see the changes in the parents when their kids are growing as a teenager.

Young adults are strugglers. When they are stressed about their career, their parents are stressed about it too. Parents try their best to support their children at this phase, financially as well as mentally. Parents prepare their children to fit in to the real world. Parents literally try to treat their children as a friend.

After they become the senior adults, parents slowly lose their power. They slowly lose their right to make a decision for the family, intentionally or helplessly. They slowly lose the control over their own family. Their children have become big enough to take decisions and care of the family. They have to agree for everything their children ask. They still don’t complain.

When children are grown ups, get married, they start to live like their parents. Their focus slowly moves to their life partner and kids from their parents. Parents still don’t complain.

Now, they become the old parents or kids call them grandparents.

Grandparents have once gone through everything that their children are going through and they understand. Their children are not giving them the priority because they have to take care of themselves. Their children still expect them to take care of the house while they are out on their vacation but their old parents understand that this is the age, they should enjoy their life with or without them. Sometimes, their children keep their kids away from them but they understand that their experience might be too old and too un-cool for their grand kids. Everyone knows that the kids enjoy more with their grandparents than their parents because they don’t judge people with their age or their way of life.

My grandma was behaving strange lately. She would tell us one thing, a thousand time. She would be worried about something or the other all the time. She tends to forget things that she had been doing every day. She was also forgetting her grandchildren. My uncles, aunts and even my mom, everyone was very upset about this. Sometimes, they would get irritated of her questions. She would ask a same question every day, multiple times some days. But she used to remember few things that surprises us. When she goes to my aunt’s house or comes to our house, she remembers our neighbours and wants to go to their house to chat. She would try to find excuses to go to the neighbour houses. She would feel bored at our home but feel happy at our neighbours’. My mom and my aunt couldn’t be okay with it.

It seemed like my grandma was doing this intentionally. How can she not recognise her grandchildren and even children but exactly remember their children’s neighbours? We feel, she used to do that to irritate us.

But...

What if she did so? Can’t we bear this little inconvenience, after all she has done for us all? Can’t we just respond politely? Can’t we answer the same thing again and again? Can’t we just be nice to her?

She had gone through many inconveniences for her kids, she never complained about it. Why are we complaining about her now? Is it because she has become old now and she doesn’t have enough energy to fight?

I have heard a lot of similar stories about old people from my relatives and friends. I have heard them complaining about the same thing. It is possible that they are behaving like this intentionally. It is possible that they are behaving like this because they are aging. Perhaps, they are expecting some affection from us. They could be seeking some attention from us. Probably they’re acting childish because they want to be valued and respected.

I remember one story my grandpa had told me when I was little.

“When God was deciding the lifespan of all the creatures.

The dog said, " I don't want to live for thirty years guarding men's property and tied at home"

God gave fifteen years of a dog’s life to human.

The donkey said, "I don't want to live for fifty-five years carrying men's burden on me"

God gave twenty-five years of a donkey’s life to the human.

The monkey said, "I don't want to live for forty years jumping from one tree to another"

God gave monkey's twenty years of life to the human.

So...

The human spends 20 years of his life as a normal man, happily and carefree. Next fifteen years, he lives like a dog, taking care of his family and being loyal. Next twenty-five years, he lives like a donkey, carrying the burden of his career/family/parents. Last twenty years, he lives like a monkey, moving from one child's home to another child's home.”

We can’t understand how someone feels until and unless we are them. We can understand the feeling of everyone, we could relate to every kind of human being except old people.

We can understand a kid because we were a kid, once. We are able to relate to teenagers because we have been through that age. We can understand the young adults and their pressure, we also sometimes try to handle them by their own way because we have experienced the same pressure. No matter how stressed we are, we never take it out on a kid because we know that they are naïve and innocent. But sadly, there is no more chances after you have become old. By the time you understand an old person, it is too late.

There is no one else to rectify your past mistakes, once you are old. Your children won’t be able to understand you because they have not been at this phase yet, your parents might not be there anymore to understand you, even if they are there, they probably have less power to support you. Life has given you enough chances to be kind and nice, old age is the last level. You would definitely realise the pain of your parents; you would certainly be in a guilt trip but you cannot apologise anymore.

We see many tv shows that aware us about old age people. We understand what is wrong and what is right, we have sympathy for the old people, we try to help the old people but many of us fail to respect our own old parents. We fail to help our own old parents. And unintentionally, the kids at our home, also learn the same thing from us. Kids start to disrespect their grandparents too. Kids also start being rude to them. We can’t imagine how is it going to be when they become old. We can’t imagine that, perhaps, our children are also going to treat us the same way in the future that we have done to our old parents.

The old people were once, kids, teenagers and adults. They were once very prompt among their family members or among their friends. They were also a rebel once. Probably they had not thought either that they would become so weak or so silly or so slow when they grow older. We haven’t thought that either.

They are most experienced and yet so undervalued. We certainly have all the scientific proofs of what life is going to be when we become old. But how many of us search about it? Our parents’ love and care never decrease throughout our life but do we stop showing them the same affection with time?

They might become weak; they would need a hand.

They might start forgetting things, we need to be patient with them.

They might get irritated for things; we need to be calm.

They might show us tantrums, we got to be nice.

They might behave like a kid; we have to tackle them.